Firstly I don’t need too lie to you to get you eating more, cutting the exercise right down, stop you obsessively counting and calculating every thing you put inside only to then obsessively count and calculate every step in order to counteract any goodness, kindness you have battled with your head in order to just have an “adequate” portion for that meal.
I’ve been there at 13 at 17 at 21 and I’m still here now at 33 fighting to live, only the difference is my body hurts, I’m tired and my skin breaks down.
I’ve lived twenty odd years in and out of units across the country and if you haven’t reached that place yet, my advice is take all outpatient help you can. It’s much slower, manageable and attainable.
Know that inpatient involves being hours away from home and being held down to be fed – because they don’t take no for an answer! There’s no negotiating with what you eat or when. And you can say goodbye to exercise until you’re a long way into being physically stable.
If someone had given me this advice at 13, 17 or 21, I would’ve stuck two fingers up at them! Trying to drum the into you the fact that I’ll never menstruate, conceive a child! You don’t care right now, but believe me you will at 33 when you’re looking at that as a very real possibility.
There are two roads at the moment – outpatient or inpatient. I’m lucky to be given the chance to work with Breathe eating disorder clinics in the UK. Don’t get me wrong, I’m physically and mentally exhausted. My head battles against it daily and guess what I’m only 5 weeks in but I know now at 33 there really are only two roads to take in all this (well and of course death) if only I’d have listened to people twenty years ago!
Please, please make the right call, people do care, let them in don’t be me at 33!
A current Breathe client.