Anorexia told me I’d be the one in control of every single aspect of my life.
With every inch I gave you anorexia you promised me I’d be so much closer to the ultimate goal.
Anorexia follows me everywhere. Tells me it’s going to support me like no one else knows how to. It’s been there when I most needed it. Not once did it tell me by following rules I’d become sicker weaker and feel totally defeated.
My friend (well not my friend) anorexia tells me I’m worthless I’m not allowed to have fun. It makes me exercise hour upon hour, day after day causing me to become physically and mentally flawed. Yet the voice becomes stronger and stronger.
Even now when I beg you to leave me. You anorexia, you’re clever. You fill my mind with jumbled up logic, rationalise all the things that will ultimately kill me. I push people who love and care about me away. In case they get inside my bubble and help me to destroy you anorexia.
You made food the enemy and exercise my life. Any uncomfortable emotions I don’t want to be there and I don’t want to feel. Anorexia covers over them. So in the end nothing seems real.
It’s taken a long time (20 years) to realise how destructive anorexia is.
And with the help of Breathe and S.E.E.D I am fighting back. You were once in the driving seat anorexia but you’re not there now.
I’m taking back what you stole every day. I’m getting stronger and with the help and persistence of the team at Breathe and S.E.E.D and people I trust.
You anorexia keep popping back up, trying to sneak back in. But I won’t let you. I’ve got people who care about me now, that stick by my side.
They make me see how I am worth more than I thought. They help me push you away anorexia. I wish I was recovered right now.
I wish I’d never let anorexia be my friend. But I know I’ll keep trying and I’ll win the battle and I will beat you anorexia.
A Breathe Client – Identity Confidential